Vocabs of Steel

Stranded on Third is proud to present a brand-new form of sportstalk--
The Sportmanteau.

For those of you not on fire for Safire, a portmanteau is a combination, or blending, if you will, of two existing words into one new one. Like breakfast/lunch becomes "brunch." Or Pat Riley's "threepeat," (three/repeat) which is written up in the hot new sports book "Numbelievable: The Dramatic Stories Behind the Most Memorable Numbers in Sports History." (go to www.numbelievable.com for more info)

Any way, with many more in the pipeline, here are the first three SPORTMANTEAUs:

Heroid n. – (heer-oid)
The new breed of athlete that performs extraordinary feats, but only by benefit of illegal performance-enhancing drugs.

Example: Little Billy’s bedroom wall is overflowing with posters and prescriptions of his biggest heroids.

Steinbrennervate – v. (stine-BREN-nur-vate)
To strip the joy out of a game by throwing scads of money at it, in a futile attempt to destroy the competitive balance.

Example: When Michael brought his bionic mastiff to the dogfights, some of his chums thought it was a steinbrennervating move.

Sincentive Clause n. – [sin-SENT-tive clause]
The new form of contractual bonuses, wherein professional athletes are financially rewarded simply for not committing heinous crimes.

Example: My favorite linebacking heroid’s new contract contains a sincentive clause for $50,000 if he doesn’t slap a nun.