"Until Next Week, the BALCO is Closed..."

HOLLYWOOD, CA- Tinseltown tongues are wagging, as Bay Area Bomber Barry Bonds is in town to supervise casting for his upcoming biopic, "Gone With The Syringe." Early contenders for the lead role are Dave Chapelle as a Pirate and Michael Clarke Duncan as a Giant.

For some reason, Bonds apparently wants Morgan Spurlock to direct.

ARENA FOOTBALL UPDATE

The 21st Arena Bowl played before a sold-out crowd of 17,000 in New Orleans, and three things were proved in the process:

1.) The San Jose SaberCats simply cannot be contained. Except, of course, inside an arena. Which is where they play. All the time.

2.) In the post-Katrina world, there are apparently 17,000 people whose homes are still uninhabitable, and have nowhere else to go.

3.) Nobody listens to Carol Brady any more.